Workplace Bullies -
How to Spot an Abuser in the Workplace

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed that some people have a knack for ending a dispute one way and others seem to end their disputes in just the opposite way?

Specifically, some individuals will invariably orchestrate their closing chapter coming out “looking” as though they are on top. And much of the time, they will only end the feud once they have satisfied this very important criteria—at least in their mind.

Here are six glaring tip-offs to help you notice these workplace bullies

1) They will seek to make you wrong. Why? Because, they MUST make themselves right at all cost. No matter what the circumstances, they will shove all the miniscule minutia detail in your face to “prove” that they are correct and you are not.

2) They may even throw a curve ball your way to camouflage, distort or confuse your thinking. The intended purpose of this distraction is ultimately to dismantle your commitment to your position so as to open the door for embracing their position.

3) Then once the convincing and proving get under way, they will insist that they are the underdog and have been wronged by your doing. You heard me. They will claim that you and your actions have wronged—have hurt—them in some very significant way.

4) Now following your dispute with a workplace bully, you will stumble upon some relevant and timely consequence. For example, immediately after a little bully battle, you will discover some loss (from their point of view) to you. It may not really be a loss to you, but it will be one that they expected to be felt as such by you.

5) They will do all that is necessary to make all bystanders believe that they have been taken advantage of or not appreciated by you. This group support gives validation to their convincing perspective. So in the company of their supporters, they celebrate their victory and all is well.

6) You, on the other hand, ponder what the hell just happened? And as you reflect on what has transpired, all you can really see is your opponent saving face, getting even and bullying you right out of your point of view.

When you meet a workplace bully eye-to-eye, see them for what they present and resist personalizing their actions. It’s not about you. The clearer you are about this, the more likely you will successfully duck, dodge and steer right through bullies in your workplace.

For more information about the dynamics of relationship abuse, visit Domestic Abuse Dynamics, and claim your free eInsights on abusive relationships. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. is a consulting expert and therapist for domestic abuse survivors and bullies. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. – Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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