Domestic Abuse Survivor Healing
Can You Own Your Experience?

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

We really do create our own reality. Often times domestic abuse survivors dislike hearing the sound of this. However, if you hear it as victim empowering over victim blaming, you can walk away smiling at yourself and enjoying what you recognize…while benefiting from the power in knowing that we create our own reality.

1st Hit ~ Laying the Foundation

Not too long ago, an ex of an inactive patient of mine posted slanderous garbage on one of our social media accounts. Essentially, this person was accusing me of being responsible for an injury arising out of violence between the two of them. The claim was that I should have “warned” this person, therefore it’s my fault.

As I read this defamation, I was flooded with my memory of how I clearly told this person that their partner had crossed a very serious line…of a heinous quality. And returning to the relationship much less to live with this person was NOT advised. In fact, it was recommended that a specific course of treatment be successfully completed with change evidenced before even considering re-engaging the relationship. My recommendations were not followed.

While driving to pick up my mail, I was chewing on this memory, clearly and vividly, in light of the slanderous repetitive social media postings by this person over the last week. I wanted to chock because I recalled how disgusted I felt when I made the recommendation to the person. And then to say I encouraged this individual to go back and live in this abusive relationship. It sickened me from the inside out. I had never in 38 years of clinical practice been slandered by anyone in the service of my profession. It was ever so degrading.

2nd Hit ~ Magnifying the Moment

Then, I arrive at the mail store where I meet a gentleman in the parking lot and we strike up a conversation about auto repair resources. I tell him of the minor yet vandalism type-damage to my vehicle’s interior from a high-end dealership service. As I’m telling this man this story, I’m feeling a taste of the violation from that day…at the dealership.

Mind you this is compounding the imagery I had before of the clear violation to me as a professional. Get the pretext. This is what I then walk into the mail store with in every fiber of my being.

3rd Hit ~ You Really Do Get What You’re Thinking/Feeling About

I walk in there vulnerable and (one could even say) violated …and low and behold, I am! Watch... how this happens.

The sweet ladies have my mail already out of the mail box as they are enjoying my encounter with this gentleman outside. It was cute. Truly cute…

Nonetheless, I suddenly didn’t need my mail key. Out of site and out of mind. Fast forward a few days later and I realize my keys are gone. After not finding them, I call the store to make arrangements to get another key…asking them to comp it or share the cost with me. The nerve of me. I did it because I was holding them accountable for their part, as I ignored mine.

Sitting in meditation later that morning, I own the cost of replacing the key. (It truly was a gift to me.) I realized that I walked into that mail store with the vulnerability and violation within me and sure enough I sustained it, I attracted it, I enabled it. I don’t think it matters how we describe it, as long as we know it all is within. And what’s within creates what’s beyond…(as they are truly one).

Not one word or sentence in this is victim blaming. It is victim empowering when this awareness is revealed to you, and you own it. Let it be a gift for you, as it has been for me.

For more information on healing domestic abuse, whether you stay or go, visit domestic abuse help, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/domestic_violence_trt.php and claim Free Instant Access to The 7 Realities of Verbal Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

© Dr Jeanne King - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention