Verbal Emotional Abuse
How to Get Out of the Line of Fire

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

 

Your partner is angry about God only knows what and there you are in the line of fire. He may start with some derogatory comment about the way you manage (or fail to manage) your life. And quickly, he tosses in his resentment toward your family and their character. Then, before you know it, he’s bringing in and unloading the whole darn truck.

You know you are being ambushed with his verbal emotional abuse. All you want is to pull in and be out of this man’s line of fire...

How do you bring yourself that which you need when you need it most? Far too often, what we do is freeze like a deer in the headlights, and then after the attack we wish we had missed the verbal emotional abuse party.

Protecting Yourself from Verbal Emotional Abuse

Here are some things you can do to help you get out of the line of fire when verbal and emotional abuse erupts in your home.

1) Remember you are not responsible for stopping his/her verbal abuse spree. That is his job. There is nothing you can do to turn off that switch, even though you may believe you can influence its outpouring. The verbal and emotional assaults are coming from within—that is, within him…and thus, can only be halted by him.

2) Realize that you are not responsible for ending the toxic verbal encounter. You can’t end an interpersonal interaction by virtue of its very nature. An interaction involves two people. It’s not your job, nor within your means to “control” the encounter. So, if you find yourself reaching for the words “this conversation is over,” think again. You are not responsible for controlling the interaction.

3) You can, however, leave one hand clapping. And in that imagery see the verbal emotional abuse having no target to fall upon. You see you are responsible for taking care of yourself amidst verbal and emotional abuse. It is your job to pick yourself up and remove yourself from the interaction—leaving one hand clapping.

Be mindful of how you will exit and, most important, let your partner know of this plan while in a non-abusive encounter. This is no different than his planning time-outs in order to de-escalate his affect (emotions). It’s just the flip side of your establishing an exit to insure that you not allow the outpouring of verbal emotional abuse upon you. As you become practiced in your exit, you will preserve your integrity, dignity and wholeness.

For more information about verbal emotional abuse visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/emotional_verbal_abuse.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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