Abusive Relationships and Controlling People:
The Right to Decide for Both of Us

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed how it is that some people believe they own the right to make decisions that affect both of you? And when you learn a decision has been made without your input, and in some cases without your knowledge, you feel violated.

It's common knowledge that abuse is about control. One party bulldozing through choices and decisions is simply another part of this control dynamic.

Here are some key elements that you will want to recognize about controlling unilateral decision-making characteristic of abusive relationships.

1) Your partner genuinely believes that he/she possess the "right" to make decisions that affect both of you.

2) Your partner owns this right because it comes with the throne he/she operates from- the entitlement vested upon him/her.

3) Your input is not sought after, much less factored in, because it simply doesn't matter. Remember your relationship world revolves around your controlling partner. You are just there for the ride.

4) The manipulations and covert coercions are the means to run your abuser's agenda through to the final decision phase...which you learn about after the fact, if at all.

5) The punishment and reward system along the way are the mechanisms for carrying out the manipulations. It's how you are groomed to go along with what you haven't even had the opportunity to be aware of, understand nor consider.

The long and the short is the controlling partner makes decisions that affect both of you. And you are expected to willfully accept any and all consequences and implications of his/her unilateral decision.

For more information about controlling people, browse our resources at http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ebooks.php and claim your Free Instant Access to your survivor success eInsights. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals and families recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2009 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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