Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse
Communication, Conflict and Timing

 

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed that when you are confronted with something that doesn’t hit you right (no pun on words), you naturally step back? Someone may ask you a question that you are not—in that very moment—wanting to discuss with that particular person.

So you honor your inner needs while also acknowledging theirs by letting them know you are willing to address their question or concern, but not in this very moment. Immediately, what happens?

No Time Out For You – Signs of Controlling People

Controlling people will not appreciate this reply. Instead of honoring your wishes, you will be met with an attack of some sort…possibly a blow to your character relative to their issue at hand. Or, it could be a blow of another sort appearing from “out of left field.”

They will want you to know that something is “wrong” with you for not staying in the game with them. Or, they may want you to believe that you have victimized them with your “withholding.”

In either case, the over-riding message is that you are in this relationship to satisfy their needs and yours don’t matter. Thus, in this very moment, you have failed them...

The Practice of Genshai Is Honor and Respect

The practice of the ancient Hindu term Genshai is essentially honoring and respecting self and other. I’m convinced that when people embrace this practice proactively, many of the unconscious, reflexive habits of abusive relationships vanish.

What the controlling person is missing in the example we open this article with is Genshai. They want you to feel smaller because you didn’t deliver as they requested. And they will not wait!

Their refusal to wait patiently while you become ready to respond is the key sign of a controlling person that I bring to your attention here. From their perspective, their timing is the only timing on the table.

What happens in your relationship when your partner poses an inquiry that you meet with hesitation? Are you given the honor and respect to be who and as you are in that moment? Or, is there punishment waiting for you following your noncompliance?

The way one is in this very moment speaks miles. Pay attention to these warning signs of an abusive partner. Don’t be lured to surrender your Genshai with respect to yourself in order to walk with them. If you do, you may be walking down a road of battering and abusive control that could spiral out of control.

For more information about controlling relationships, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/controlling_relationship.php and get instant access to free survivor success insights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse.

© Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention