Domestic Abuse Counseling
7 Keys to Breaking through Being Worn Down
and Without Trust

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

One of the first hurdles women in abusive relationships struggle overcoming during domestic abuse counseling is their feeling of disdain and distrust. After years and years of being beaten down, discounted and belittled, they wonder, how all this will change?

Can an abuser really change and can a survivor really heal the wounds of domestic abuse? My belief is that they can if the readiness, the motivation and the proper intervention are available.

What then can you do to support and usher in these possibilities? Here are a few basics to keep in mind when entering into couples work for domestic abuse.

1) Start where you are and fully embrace the reality of it as it lives in your body, your feelings and your thoughts. Remember the only thing that is truly real is in the moment, so stay here now. And avoid your trips down memory lane and those over the horizon.

2) We are as we think and we can choose our thoughts. Capitalize on that basic premise through inquiry and revel in how empowering that is.

3) Injury heals from the inside out, not the outside in. While the sentiments of others may help us along, the core shifts and transformational gems are internal.

4) Trust builds and rebuilds over time. Relationship trust is both internal and interactional. It comes from consistency, predictability and, of course, authenticity.

5) Skills are learned through repeated application, and are also cultivated over time. Even though you think you are a single trial learner, you will find that mastery is progressive and comes from an accumulation of success.

6) You are only responsible for yourself and for your process. Accordingly, your partner is responsible for himself and the changes he seeks to make. Thus, you cannot control his process and he cannot control yours.

7) Trust the landscape of your relationship is ever changing. As Heraclitus, 450 BC noted, “One can never put one’s foot into the same river twice.”

If you are seeking help for domestic abuse, be mindful that it is a process, not a quick fix. The remedy inspired through the process can be transformational for you, your partner and for your relationship.

For more information on domestic abuse counseling, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/domestic_violence_trt.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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