3 Keys to a Successful Reunion with Your Adult Children After Domestic Violence by Proxy
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Tipping the healing boat begins from the inside out...as does any other growth process. This may sound like a vague and mild statement, but its implementation and its implications for healing parental alienation and parent-child estrangement are huge.
When we are with our adult children after the war we long to have them “understand” what happened on the battlefield and why we were not in their growing childhood or adolescence. And this is where some serious conflict can begin.
You can no longer open a wound for healing than you can physically pry open a physical cut in the tissue of your body and direct healing to occur. No, instead the way healing happens is this...
You set the conditions in place for an inner and outer environment that supports healing and then sit back and ALLOW healing to occur. And it does on its own...because the natural tendency of any organism is to gravitate toward greater and greater harmony and well-being. And this goes for your battered and estranged adult children, too!
It will amaze you to discover that you hold the ability to facilitate a satisfying reunion and pathway to an extraordinary relationship with your estranged adult children. Here are three keys to a successful reunion that you can employ no matter how compromised you believe they are or distorted your relationship is today.
1) Be open to the past as it was for them.
Whether their memories are polluted with your ex’s campaign or virtually nonexistent...be there for their past. That means be with them for the way it was for them as they spontaneously share with you. The more you can be with what is (no matter how painful for you), the more you will contribute to making your reunion successful.
2) Be present in the moment as it is for both of you.
No matter where their lives were or where yours was, both of you enter into this day with a unique set of circumstances and experience. Sharing that with one another opens channels for re-connecting and creating a multitude of dimensions to your newly developing relationship. Dive into as many directions of interests and being as the energy leads the two of you. Doing so will help ground the goodness of your new beginning.
3) Be committed, faithful, yet unattached to the future.
You can never know what tomorrow will bring. I know that you know this. Let’s face it, would you have known decades ago that you would be reading articles about post domestic violence by proxy or legal domestic abuse much less domestic violence divorce.
You can’t know later; you can only hold an intention for it now. And in that you can truly taste the present moment. So enjoy it. From and through it, tomorrow can grow. If you hold onto your agenda as being anything other than now, you may fall into a well of delusional thinking...distancing you from the love in the moment.
If you are an estranged parent who has weathered being thrown to the wind by your ex and his/her accomplices, have hope and faith in igniting the parent-child connection that you long. Trust in the love that is imprinted in your souls and yield to a successful reunion with your alienated adult children.
For more information about healing parent-child injuries, contact psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/consulting.html and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.