Battered Mothers and Abused Fathers
The Dilemma of Helping the Abused

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

I recently had an encounter with elderly abuse (my mother’s spousal abuse) that has brought back many of the dynamics of child abuse that I experienced in my efforts as a protective parent over a decade ago.

Come with me to the heart of the matter. My mother is in her final days, weeks...months and she desperately says, “I think they have changed my medication. …Because before I was not sleeping and had a big appetite, and now I’m sleeping day and night and have no appetite.”

My pure knee-jerk response was to inquire with the hospital if this is so.... And that is exactly what I’m going to do today when the sun rises. However, I’m ever so aware of how I also felt a knee-jerk on the other side that said, “If I reach in to help her, there will be a price.” Her abusive husband will make me pay for this as he has done each time I step in to help my mother.

The Dilemma of Helping the Abused

What’s familiar here is the knowing that helping the abused is a costly matter as it thrusts you in the path of their perpetrator. This is exactly what battered mothers and abused fathers know so well. When they speak out on behalf of their abused children, there is a consequence. And this resulting consequence usually compromises both helper and helped.

Herein lies the higher-level conflict for protective parents. They so want to help their abused children, but do not want to ignite further abuse to them in doing so. And unfortunately this is what happens more often than not!

It’s one of those dilemmas that you can only really know when you have stood in these shoes. If you are standing here, I know you hear me. You may want to prevent an unwarranted psychiatric hospitalization of your abused child. Or, maybe you simply want to reach out and rally in law enforcement support to help you end the child abuse in your home. Or, possibly you see the injuries toward and/or on your child and you want to be his/her voice in family court.

You know who you are. You are the protective parent being heroic. The question you may want to ask yourself is how can you both help your abused children and not hurt them at the same time?

As you remain focused on that and remove yourself from the battering equation, you become far more effective in campaigning for your abused children in life and in a domestic violence divorce.

For personal help with the domestic abuse issues in your divorce, contact Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. by visiting http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/consulting.html Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps protect women and men in domestic violence divorce. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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