Child Abuse Custody
How to Prepare for Custody Litigation
When Domestic Violence is Before the Court

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Battered women (and battered men) in custody battles have two enemies: their opposition and their fear. I believe their fear is their biggest problem.

Fear as Your Biggest Enemy

Your fear is your most serious issue when you are in divorce court against an abuser. Why? Because your fear fuels your attorney, and your attorney fuels your fear. That’s what keeps the whole thing going.

If you can learn to deal with your fear, you will be able to control your attorney and your litigation. Until you do that, you are on a ride to empty your pockets and feed the agenda of the highest bidder...which is most likely your opposition.

Thus, unless you deal with your fear, prepare to pay to help your soon-to-be ex separate you from your children. I know this sounds cold and bold, but when you get to the other side of your litigation and heal, you will understand that you were in a system, playing an assigned role established and maintained by your fear.

Fear Fuels Litigation Fury

You need to be kept victimized by the experience; otherwise the party is over. This is how it works. Now to keep you victimized by your litigation, counsel must hold a threat before your eyes and dangle it before you.

You will be tantalized and taunted with receiving the very thing that concerns you most—losing custody of your children. You will live on the edge...walking on eggshells just like you did in your domestic violence home.

That feeling is so familiar for you that it makes you feel at home. As the comfort of that familiarity sinks in, you bond more and more deeply with your new abuser—your attorney controlling you with your own fear.

Deal with Your Fear

So, again, I say cope with your fear. This will become your greatest asset in your case. And when all is said and done, you will have weathered the most important learning lesson in your life. It will empower you in every other pursuit you ever encounter.

BONUS INSIGHT Never make a decision out of fear unless you are actually facing the tiger, in which case it won’t be a cognitive decision. Rather, it will be your natural physiological flight-or-fight response making the decision for you.

For more information about domestic violence child custody, visit www.domesticviolencedivorce.com and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention