Relationship Conflict – Empathy
and Healing Abuse in Controlling Relationships

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

 

“When I speak my pain and you give me your pain or your excuse to have pained me, I hurt the same...and sometimes more.” Sound familiar?

When domestic violence victims rally up the nerve to voice their inner ache with the person that has violated them, many things can happen. They can be heard or not heard, by the other and by themselves.

Giving Voice to Your Hurt

Let’s look at what happens when they are not heard by the person they feel has hurt them. Imagine this: You bring up and out an incident that you have been struggling with for weeks, months or years.

You provide your partner with all of the details surrounding that which bothers you. And in a moment of courage, you even bring forth your own raw wounded vulnerability.

And before it has time to breathe...register...fill the space that you placed it in, something else happens. It is met with personalization or defensiveness…justification, rationalization and minimization.

The Absence of Empathy When It’s Needed Most

Your partner wants you to know how he/she was/is hurting from the other side of this encounter. Or, he/she wants you to recognize how your actions precipitated what was done that hurt you. Or, even more disturbing, your partner embarks on a campaign to prove to you that your reality does not exist.

All awhile you remain naked with your emotional vulnerability unheard. So, where do you go from here? Most often, without professional help/facilitation, you go back inside yourself to hide out with your own pain compounded by disenchantment from the encounter.

The Wall of the Non-Empathic Response

Empathy and compassion are the cornerstones of healing interpersonal conflict. And these two ingredients must show up mutually and authentically from the inside out.

If you are struggling with your efforts to resolve relationship conflict, invite the empathy and compassion into the encounter to better help you and your partner in listening to one another. It will amaze you to feel the difference in how your personal pain heals when wrapped in the compassion.

For help with healing in controlling relationships visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/controlling_relationship.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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