Narcissistic Abuse
When a Delusional Process
Bleeds Over Into Domestic Abuse

 

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

 

How does someone vehemently demand that you risk your ability to walk in order to participate in their delusional process? Sounds extreme? No, this is classic in abusive relationships.

Typically, it happens when the delusional process is so severe that the person cannot see it themselves, NOR do they have the ability to see you except for how you may serve to support their delusional scheme.

Abusive Delusional Stupor

Take Larry and Kim for example. Larry demanded that Kim support him in his effort to obtain a high ranking office of which he was absolutely unqualified to fulfill (and he knew it). Moreover, he demanded that she offer such support for him even though she could not support herself standing comfortably on her own two feet, due to an accident two weeks prior.

From Larry’s perspective, none of her concerns over her immediate bodily injury mattered. He had convinced himself of an unrelenting overvalued idea. And that is: This beautiful woman traveling across the country with him to accompany him for this political office event “would make him legitimate and more creditable," so he insisted. (As a side note, mind you, Kim was one of the only partners/significant other at this event.)

I hope you are listening closely, because I want you to notice how the second false belief identified here inherently counters the core “delusion of grandiosity.” But, he managed to hold them both...along with many others relative to his promise and success in their relationship and in his so-called professional endeavor.

Delusions of Jealously

It all cascaded so quickly that Kim could not tell if Larry was even aware of the absence of reality embedded in his cognitive process. What she did realize was that this same dysfunctional process was the basis for his ongoing leaps into “delusions of jealousy,” chronically scattered throughout the relationship.

The simplest of all activities such as administrative accounting, researching insurance options, yielding to the desire for sleep sent Larry into his preoccupation of her abandonment/cheating even though that belief had absolutely no basis in reality. The uproars ignited by his harboring this belief netted the two of them days upon days of extreme conflict.

Delusional Processes Bleeds On

Eventually Kim realized the only way she could tend to and maintain her health, her life and her well-being was to walk away from the relationship. And that is exactly what she did, as she retreated into healing her immediate injury. She detached from his delusional process, compartmentalized her connection with him and went on with healing the injuries and loses of the relationship.

In the weeks that followed, Larry’s delusional process continued to spill over into his efforts and ploys to reassert his import and influence. At one point, he claimed that a famous politician was quoting him and he wanted to impress Kim with this significant news.

She replied cautiously, “Was your name quoted?” As expected, Larry acknowledged, “No.” But from his point of view, the fact that this famous person mentioned the concept of peace in a specific situation, they (of course) must be referring to the ideas professed by Larry. This “delusion of reference” was quite typical for Larry.

Delusions in Abusive Relationships

In the aftermath of this relationship, Kim sorted and sifted through incident after incident stemming from Larry’s attachment to a set of irrational beliefs that he claimed as fact. In her reflections, she was reminded of the pervasiveness of the delusional process. There were delusions within delusions.

For example, at one point, Larry whole heartedly embraced the notion that an individual he met was going to facilitate his obtaining the exposure he sought leading to the political office he longed. But this person, as the agent-of-facilitation of the core delusion of grandiosity, on face value, was glaringly unrealistic; but not to Larry.

It’s one thing when someone holds and harbors their faulty perceptions. It’s another when they flagrantly and brutally demand that you participate in their delusional scheme at the expense of your own physical health and well-being.

If you are in a relationship that blinds you with confusion, violates your most basic rights and hurts you to the core, keep your eyes open wide because you could be on a very dangerous, delusional ride of narcissistic abuse.

For more information about the dynamics of intimate partner abuse, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ebooks.php and claim Free Instant Access to The 7 Realities of Verbal Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

© Dr Jeanne King — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention