Healing from Abuse
You Are Not His/Her Thoughts About You
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Finding the positive energy to usher you to peace and protect you from the demons in your mind is challenging. But once you learn the path to duplicate this process, you become the master of your own thoughts. And even more...you become the master of your destiny.
Domestic violence survivors are notorious for harboring the negative precepts and beliefs that their abusive partners have showered upon them. The knee-jerk response to a situation is an inner declaration that I am ___________.
Fill in the blank with the most common thing that you beat yourself up with. Feel the emotion associated with that thought. Chances are your actions will be those that typically emerge from this affective state of being. And these actions will net you the same results you usually encounter.
Challenge the Assumption
Funny thing here is that you are living an assumption that isnít even yours. More often than not, it is what he/she told you all those years.
Take a deep breath of fresh air because Iím going to tell you something quite refreshing. You have the ability to challenge the negative false thinking and in doing so, you create another result. So there you have it. YOU get to choose.
Now you might quickly say, positive thinking doesnít work. Letís make the distinction together between ďpositive thinkingĒ as popularized and the process Iím referring to here.
Reach for the Thought That Serves You
Letís take Sue for example. She is chewing on the belief that she will be inadequate in a mission she pursues. The feeling of a disastrous outcome reinforces her primary core belief. This thought has its corresponding feeling of anxiety and despair. And that state of being inspires specific actions...generating certain results.
Now if Sue checked in with herself the moment she tasted the feeling of despair and/or anxiety and challenged the underlying assumption, something different might happen. An opening occurs that allows the belief that serves her highest good to emerge.
In having and holding that thought, a new feeling evolves overriding the anxiety and despair. The actions she takes from this vantage point support the creation of the more positive and live-sustaining belief.
While reading about this process can sound abstract, the actual reality of the process is as real as the blood running through your veins right now. I am in awe over how this simple shift in perspective has changed my life and has given patients the promise of creating for themselves that which they desire.
For more insights about healing in and after an abusive relationship relationship, read http://www.enddomesticabuse.org/psychological_healing.php and http://www.enddomesticabuse.org/healing_from_within.php Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse.
© Jeanne King, Ph.D. ó Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.