Bible and Sex – What Do the Biblical
Scriptures Say about Complacency Sex?
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
“What would the bible say about complacency sex?” a reader asks. Good question.
The question on the table appears to be whether or not Bibical scriptures endorse complacency sex. At first glance, my sense is, it wouldn’t. Here’s why...
Complacency sex, as I have defined it in other writings, is having sex so as to avoid the consequences of not having sex. It’s about manipulating circumstances over giving (and receiving).
It has more to do with preventing an outcome than offering affection, intimacy and pleasure. It’s done primarily to avoid your partner’s reaction to your unwillingness to be sexually intimate at a particular time.
He Wants What He Wants When He Wants It
The “at a particular time” is key to this concept. Complacency sex refers to dealing with the “I want what I want when I want it” mentality characteristic of controlling husbands.
The operative belief is “people give me what I want when I want it.” And when they don’t, disappointment sets in. But we’re not talking about a little disappointment, we’re talking big time...pouting, self-pity and pissyness.
And it doesn’t stop here. In abusive relationships, that aftermath can be the inspiration for violence. Or shall I say, further violence...additional violation (verbal, emotional and physical).
Giving to Give; Not to Avoid
I’m not a student of the Bible per say, but I am a very spiritual person and I trust that the scriptures would support interactional honoring when it comes to sexual intimacy.
Thus, she would give for the pure pleasure of giving, not to avoid the pain of not giving. And he would honor her timing as he does his own.
Regulating Consequences in Controlling Relationships
In reflecting on this inquiry of “obligatory” sexual relations, the dysfunctional aspect of complacency sex becomes clearer.
It’s all in the consequences. She is regulating the consequences, and so is he...neither of which is cultivating a platform for genuine sexual intimacy.
For more insights helping people in controlling relationships with the bible and sex, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/controlling_relationship.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from spousal abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and InterventionThis series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.