Emotional Psychological Abuse:
Who Knows What’s Best for You?

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“I know what’s best for you...better than you do.” Sound familiar?

If you are in an intimate relationship that has emotional psychological abuse, you know this message, whether delivered directly or indirectly. The message says, “You need to trust my wisdom—over your own—regarding issues specific to you.”

Now, when you are living in an abusive relationship, you even come to recognize the subtle reinforcement “routine” employed to help you buy into this propaganda. You might observe reprimand or the withholding of something you desire when you resist the other person’s conclusions/recommendations. And conversely, you are showered with positive “reinforcers” when you yield to the believe system. Goodies are given: whatever it is that you will work for is suddenly available to you.

This is how domestic abuse survivors are groomed to discount their inner knowing and ultimately come to lose contact with their inner wisdom. Eventually, they reflexively look outward for their answers and fail to factor in a wealth of hidden internal personal datum.

Now, take a deep breath and feel the fresh air in this new image: Flip the relationship, flip the partner, flip yourself—flip who knows what’s best for you.

Imagine being with your partner and searching earnestly for answers to pressing troubling personal concerns. Now stay with me, and see this person saying with his/her gestures and words: “I’m here with you, while you find your way.”

It’s that lovely? Can you feel the freedom to discover and become who you really are in this message? What do you expect this will do for you and for your relationship?

1) It will let you find yourself and be the “You” that you are.

2) It will help you see the relationship as a “safe” place to be and to grow.

3) It will let you know your partner as someone who lets you become more of what you are, rather than less of what you are.

4) This nourishment will be a cornerstone of what defines your relationship and it will serve to support you and your partner, presuming you also do the same with him/her.

If you easily identify with the first image as described: “I know what’s best for you...better than you do.”, and you see the fresh air in the second image, then you are ready to create intimate relationships of mutual honoring and respect.

You are ready to shed your tolerance for self-silencing and the deadening of your own spirit. This readiness is the first step to your breaking free from domestic abuse. Entertain this new image routinely and cherish the impact that it has on you and on your perception of an intimate relationship—whether with this person or with any another.

For information about domestic abuse signs, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ebooks.php and get Free Instant Access to your Survivor Success eInsights.Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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