Battered Women - Abuse and Divorce:
Princes, Toads, Chickens
and the Wise Men in Between
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Have you ever noticed that battered women in abusive divorce disputes have a trail of princes, toads and chickens in their wake, and an occasional wise man off the court?
It’s as though they attract saviors or they make saviors out of those they cross. Then, when the “saving” is not in the interest of the prince, a chicken may evolve. Or, as in the case of legal counsel, far too often, a toad rises to the plate to campaign on the battered woman’s behalf. Every once in a while a wise man will merely show up and mysteriously disappear.
As an outsider looking in, you may understand the politics here. It’s the same thing in play when you see someone victimized on the side of the road, and you stop yourself from helping them because you don’t want to draw any danger to yourself. Or, you jump on the wagon to assist them—all the while assisting yourself with another hidden agenda.
I see battered women worldwide with the same issues when it comes to those who help, allege to help, or wish they were never asked to help.
Here are some pointers you may want to consider when it comes to “helpers.”
1) Assume people are good until they show you otherwise.
2) Hold people accountable for what they promise.
3) When shown sour grapes, see them for what they are and let go of expecting them to change or become otherwise.
4) If someone derails your ship, don’t personalize his or her actions.
5) When a helping alliance is established, remember to continue to act on your behalf and hold your own.
Battered women come to the plate with a particular set of challenges inherent in the dynamics of abusive relationships. It is their responsibility to be mindful of the impact of these challenges not only on themselves, but also upon those that reach out to assist in their time of need. The more you know about the dynamics of abusive relationships and how these dynamics infiltrated legal and healthcare systems, the better you will be able to campaign on your behalf as you sail to save waters.
For information about the abuse dynamic in divorce court and in psychiatrics, read: Legal Domestic Abuse: How to Successfully Navigate the System www.preventabusiverelationships.com/legal_domestic_abuse.php and Crazy Making Legal-Psychiatric Abuse: Signs and Prevention www.preventabusiverelationships.com/crazy_making.php Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.