The Domestic Violence Perpetrator’s Flip:
Who Is the Victim?

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Who is the victim? Which one of these folks is the abused? This is a question police officers often ask themselves when they show up on a domestic matter.

The social, psychological and medical providers should be asking the same question. Why? Because of the characteristic “flip” that perpetrators will do wherein suddenly they allege and successfully establish that they are “the victim.”

From Victim to Perpetrator

One of our readers wrote in that he was arrested for domestic violence, but he declared that he had been victimized by his battering wife all along. He reached out in surprise, like “how did this happen?”

When I read his comment, I clearly saw how this victim was being re-victimized by his perpetrator’s use of the system to maintain control...to save face...to win! I recognized how similar this situation is to the way perpetrators use the system to their advantage in divorce court.

A Closer Look at the Abuser’s Flip

Why do they do this?

A) They do it to prevent the loss of control that they perceive to be slipping away.

B) They do it reflexively...characteristically. It’s their nature to externalize blame. It’s partly what defines the syndrome of intimate partner violence.

How would an outsider looking in know if it was indeed being done? How would the so-called helpers recognize an abuser masking as a victim and a victim accused of a domestic violence assault?

The abuser alleged-victim doesn’t act like a victim. They fail to show the characteristic interaction patterns that go hand-in-hand with intimate partner victimization.

For this reason it is extremely important for all providers that interface with these people to be thoroughly trained in domestic violence dynamics. And by this, I don’t mean that they attended a seminar on family violence.

If you are a victim in this situation, you will want to seek the services of someone capable of representing your truth. Without that, you may find yourself in a batterer’s group or in some court-ordered anger management program, neither of which will serve you.

For more information about domestic violence help, visit www.enddomesticabuse.org/consulting.html. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. is a seasoned psychologist and consulting expert on family violence intervention and prevention. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. – Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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