Help for Abused Men
The Serious Secret of Battered Men
and Abusive Women
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Scott is a successful businessman with an unbelievable homegrown nightmare lurking in his garage, kitchen and bedroom day in and day out. He is a closet victim of spousal abuse…one of many abused men.
In the core of his soul, he knows his truth of being beaten down by his demanding wife’s ridicule. He knows he cannot fully please her, but he continues to try. Yet, no matter how hard his efforts, they fall short of her liking and he pays the price for this inevitable deficiency.
His situation is a secret to those around him, so he thinks. Actually, most people close to him see his painful circumstances and just turn the other way...accepting him as who he is.
The Wallpaper of Verbal Abuse
He walks on eggshells not knowing if he will be met with a kiss or cussing. Will it be love and sex, or the doghouse and verbal violence? That is the question of his day...and unfortunately, that has been the question week after week for years.
The Inner Workings of Emotional Abuse
When the going gets rough and hell breaks lose in his home, he knows the all to familiar words “divorce” and “custody.” His abusive wife lets him know in no uncertain terms that she plans to leave.
“You will never see your son again,” she declares. Her threat is so convincing that he feels it to be an inevitable truth. And this knowing enslaves him further into the cycle of violence in his home.
The Threat of Imprisonment
And then the day comes when 911 is called. The police know this is a domestic situation, yet aren’t sure who is the “real” aggressor (primary aggressor). Their reflex bias is to assume it is the woman, but the evidence doesn’t support that claim. So, they tell the couple to separate and find peace for the time being.
Days pass and the heat stirs once again. Scott’s abusive wife insists upon getting her way. She wanted him arrested and now she will make sure that it happens. She lures the police back into the home on another domestic call, this time with (self-inflicted) bruises to show.
Upon police arrival, she claims that Scott left immediately after she made the call. And now the biggest secret rears its ugly head. Scott finds himself arrested for domestic assault. He sits in jail steaming.
Before too long he finds himself entangled in a legal proceeding as a respondent to an Order of Protection granting his abusive wife protection from him. He remains separated from his family and drowning in legal fees with no end in sight. His reputation is marred and his professional path seriously compromised.
Is there a female abuser in your life? What do you expect to happen by leaving your secret concealed in your home? Don’t become a falsely accused abuser victim or an estranged parent of your stolen child.
For more information helping abused men, visit www.enddomesticabuse.org/abused_men.php and find freedom from abuse. For private online support in breaking the cycle of abuse, visit www.domesticabusesupport.com Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.