8 Tell-Tale Signs of Battered Men
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
If you think battered women are stuck in their mess, you haven’t seen “stuck” until you have met a battered man. To me, it is so very sad. I attribute their being as stuck as they are to the fact that they have little to no social support and resources to assist them in ushering themselves to safety as do battered women.
Even worse, the social system surrounding them encourages then to shut up and stay put, because “no one will believe you anyway!” They are convinced that their victimization will be laughed at, ignored, ridiculed and dismissed. The conclusion these abused men draw from what they are told is: “why bother.” And so, they remain stuck.
It’s hard enough rising above the glue that binds abusive relationships, and then to get the response these battered men receive is a disgrace. Now, I am not talking about the male batterers who do a flip and pretend to be victims of domestic abuse. I am talking about the real abused men. These are the men who are systematically abused by their female partners.
Identifying a Battered Man
Would you know the difference between a “real” battered man and one faking it? If you are reading this article, you probably have an interest in understanding the concept of battered men. You’ve probably been told, by your abusive partner, that it’s all in your head. So, let’s take a moment to sort this out.
Here are some tell-tale signs that you are an a abused man in a toxic, dangerous relationship:
1) Your partner uses verbal, emotional, psychological and/or physical abuse to get her way. It’s her means of establishing and maintaining control in your relationship.
2) Your partner may punish and/or manipulate through the use of battering that can also involve threats of separating you from your children.
3) Your spouse is extremely jealous of your contact with other women, even when there is no basis for an extramarital affair.
4) Your partner seeks to control your time, attention, and your social life.
5) Your partner demands that things go her way or no way, leaving you with no other options other than to acquiesce.
6) Your partner insists that you assume blame for all discord in the relationship including her abusive behavior toward you.
7) Your partner may seek to isolate you from all sources of support outside of your intimate relationship with her.
8) Your partner demands your compassionate understanding of her, yet fails to offer empathy toward you.
If you identify with these tell-tale signs of battered men, seek to align yourself with people who understand how it is to be a man living in an abusive relationship. Though these ties, you can rally the emotional wherewithal to stand up against those who laugh at, ignore, ridicule and seek to dismiss your victimization. With the momentum of this support, you can break the paralysis of being one of many battered men.
For more information helping abused men, visit www.enddomesticabuse.org/abused_men.php and take the first step to finding freedom from abuse. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.