Abusive Relationship Help
Why Domestic Abuse Victims Lose
Their Clarity of Thought

 

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

A major problem that domestic abuse victims have is maintaining clarity of vision. It’s a natural outcome of living in an abusive relationship. Think about it... Come with me and you will recognize why.

To survive in a battering relationship, we adopt the perspective of our abusive partner. But at the end of the day, when clarity is sought, none can be found. We reach a point where the confusion becomes the norm.

It’s All in Your Head

Your partner wants you to believe that the abuse you describe is all in your head. He/she declares, how ridiculous of you to suggest that they would ever intentionally harm you.

The ridicule showered upon you is all in your head. You see, he/she wants you to believe that you are making it out to be something that it isn’t. You are too sensitive. It’s all in your head.

You Made Me Do It

An abusive partner will require that you accept the notion that you made them do it. You made him/her say it. You are responsible for the abuse perpetrated upon you.

Because for goodness sake had you not done such and such, he/she would never have had to resort to doing what they did to you...or saying what they said to you. You made them do it!

You Could Fix This

They also want you to understand that you have the ability to prevent the altercations within your relationship. And not only can you control the abuse to you; it’s your “Job.”

It is your duty...your obligation to the marriage, family and/or relationship. But, the fact is that you have neither the responsibility nor the wherewithal to control his/her abuse to you. Only the abuser has the power to do that.

When we live in a sea of hurtful negativity and we are expected to see it for what it is not, confusion sets in. You know what I mean. And you know what it feels like to swallow something that is completely counter to your inner knowing.

Eventually you turn your natural insights off by throwing a deaf ear to them. They cause conflict because of the way they are in continuous contradiction with your abuser's perspective.

In psychology we call this state of distress “cognitive dissonance.” It is the state wherein your beliefs, feeling and actions are not congruent.

The natural way one resolves the stress of cognitive dissonance is to eliminate the factor out of sync, by converting it or completely annihilating it from one’s consciousness.

It is no wonder that domestic abuse survivors get out of the habit of having insight. They lose their clarity of thought.

For private and professional insight on domestic abuse, visit www.domesticabusesupport.org . Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide end and heal from domestic abuse.

© Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention