Domestic Abuse Victims -
5 Tell-Tale Signs That You’re Still
Wearing “The Abused” Hat

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Domestic abuse victims heal and transform themselves at different rates. You can tell when their recovery process remains in progress, yet to be completed. And if you are a domestic violence survivor, you know when you’re still wearing that “I’m a Victim” hat.

Here are some tell-tale signs that you are still fulfilling the role of victimization. If you catch yourself...

1) Looking for free lunch

2) Seeking to please other people for approval

3) Believing your actions “caused” another person’s response

4) Assuming you are where you are, entirely because of the deeds of others

5) Expecting to uncover your own inner truth through another person’s truth

Now please take a deep breath and re-read these five tell-tale signs again. This time see them as a whole. Take your time to find the underlying commonality in these five signs.

...Do you see that they are all related? These five tell-tale signs in combination—that is, as a cluster—reveal victimization just as the five red flags of intimate partner abuse in combination define the syndrome intimate partner violence.

Domestic abuse victimization, once established, doesn’t wash away in the shower, nor do most people leave it behind themselves when they leave their batterer. Healing victimization is a progression of transformations that dismantle the pattern revealed in the five tell-tales signs of wearing the “I'm a Victim” hat.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m not implying that you are responsible for your abusive partner’s battering behavior toward you. This is not about blame. It’s about insight, ownership, responsibility, understanding and transformation.

If you are healing from domestic violence and want a boost, read Psychological Healing from Domestic Abuse and Domestic Abuse Healing from Within. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org

© Copyright 2009 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com