In an Abusive Relationship
How to Help Shine the Light on Domestic Abuse

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

I'm frequently approached by families to help them "yank" their adult daughter or son out of an abusive relationship. And they come to me wanting me to "do it" as they have attempted to "do it." That is by trying to influence their adult child's choices in whatever way the parents are accustomed to doing so.

While this does inspire the intervention, it is not what makes the intervention successful. The only way to help a person in an abusive relationship to see the danger they live and to choose not to enable abuse toward themselves is to "do it" from the inside out, not from the outside in.

I don't really know the specific life choices the survivor/patient will make for themselves until he/she reveals it to me. It is never about getting the person to see or do as I believe to be right; rather, it is about facilitating the person finding what's right for them.

And people love harmony and wholeness. Our psyches are charmed by it. So when patients discover this as a possibility and see that their circumstances do not support harmony, but promote the very opposite, they say "no" to the abuse and create a life without it.

Psychotherapeutic change is always an inside job. And there are certain ingredients that are essential for it to occur. There are specific ingredients that support long-standing authentic change. What are they?

The 3 keys to shining the light on domestic abuse

There are three keys that are essential to helping another person to see the abuse in which they live and choose to end destructive, toxic relationships.

1) Focus on the subtle communication and interaction patterns: the subtle is as significant as the gross.

2) Suspend your judgment: your biases and judgments interfere with the other person seeing their truth.

3) Guide them to hear their own inner voice: authentic, lasting change comes from within. (This key holds the gold for the survivor/patient.)

If your adult child is in an abusive relationship and you're a parent longing for what's healthy for your child, use professional resources to shine the light on domestic abuse. For more insights on Helping Others Break the Cycle, visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

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© Copyright 2009 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com