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Intimate Partner Abuse Screen

 

 

 

 

Domestic Violence Survivor -

Telling Your Story or Not

domestic violence consulting expert

 

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

 

Why don’t holocaust survivors typically share their story with non-survivors? Because they wish not to relive it.

Now when you tell your story from the platform, (of course, with this story embedded in a professional keynote speech), then the telling of it is different. It’s as though you are giving the audience a chance to see themselves, or someone they know, through your transparency.

 

You do not feel the rawness of the story when you have reached the point of being able to share it in this way. Even though your affect (your emotion) is ever so compelling and heart opening, you personally are not living it.

 

However when you tell this same story “off the top” of your head in a casual personal setting...oh my goodness...what a difference. This is the reason holocaust survivors do not share their story in everyday gatherings or reunions.

 

I get this from the inside out and so do people near and dear to me. But every once in a while, I run into someone I haven’t seen in years and they want me to tell them “my story.” It is as though they desire to fill in the blanks of their missing memory/understanding.

 

So here’s my response to that request.

a) The inexpensive way to get that which you are requesting is by reading All But My Soul. If on the other hand, you are not a reader and don’t care to make your way through 416 heart-wrenching pages, then you can consider option b.

 

b) for $5000, I will give you the keynote succinct version of this story, which will most likely satisfy your curiosity and leave you wishing you hadn’t asked or eager to know more—just like when you see renditions of the holocaust story.

 

Now if you are a domestic abuse survivor, the take home for you in this is that it’s okay to share and it’s okay not to share. And further, no one knows—but you—how much to relive, to whom you will relive, and under what circumstances. Trust your gut will tell you how to deal with telling your story.

 

And if you can’t hear your gut speaking to you in the moment of an unsolicited request, then pay close attention to how you feel during the hours after you yield to satisfying another person’s curiosity. When you notice you have done this at the expense of your own personal well-being, you learn to no longer tell your holocaust story indiscriminately.

 

For more healing insights, visit www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com and claim you free Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., psychologist, author and speaker, helps individuals identify and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org

 

©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.