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Intimate Partner Abuse Screen




Abusive Relationships and Self-Care: The Impact of Meditaiton on Abusive Relationships

domestic violence consulting expert


By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


If you want to know if your partner is a classic abuser, learn meditation and do your practice when it fits into your life, rather than when he/she is around.

Here’s what you will discover. Your partner will not be able to tolerate the fact that you may be having a marvelous time: a) in his/her absence, and b) in your solitude.


So he/she will be knocking at the door, interrupting your practice. He/She may demand to have the conversation that you longed to have days and weeks before. He/She may insist that there is something in this room you are in which requires his/her attention.


It is as though the thought of allowing you to proceed through and complete this self-nourishing practice is intolerable. Even though he/she may have initially consented to being fine with you beginning your meditation session. I think when it sinks-in, it’s just not acceptable to your partner.

Intolerance for Sharing Center Stage


I have elaborated in other writings on why this may be so. Suffice it to say for the sake of brevity here, the abuser will not be able to tolerate sharing “center stage” with anyone or anything when you are the audience. In this case the “anyone or anything” is meditation.


Now if you have repeated blowouts over his/her interference with your practice of meditation, you will probably want to do the bulk of your practice in his/her absence in order to insure a more satisfying and beneficial experience for yourself.


But if you are living with this person and wish to have flexibility to do your practice as it fits into your day on some days that your partner is around, then this is what you can expect. Following your meditation, behind a locked door, will be a person ready to fight. He/She will have sleeves up reeling to take on the complaints of yesterday to broadside you with today.


Now if that isn’t enough to rock your boat, such that you give up your practice of mediation, your partner will grasp the personal meaning of this practice to you. And now begins another level of reaction to your meditation routine. 

Battering Your Commitment to Your Self-Care


Practicing meditation now gets added onto the list of emotional verbal abuse. You know those nasty hurtful licks that spring from a raging mouth. For example, when you get your next shower of “let me count the ways you are dirt” you will notice that your meditation slips into the list with fat, stupid, spoiled, bad mother, lousy lover, unattractive, unappealing, unlovable ... self-absorbed crazy person that meditates.

It’s a natural part of living in an abusive relationship. It will bring you face-to-face with decisions about your meditation and/or about your relationship.


Now of course I’m being a bit facetious here. There are more efficient ways to determine if you are in an abusive relationship, and there are far more valuable reasons one would want to learn meditation. All kidding aside, may this article inspire you to learn to meditate and learn to identify an abusive relationship before it spirals out of control.


If you are longing to know whether your relationship fulfills the criteria for intimate partner violence, visit Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. is founding director of Partners in Prevention, dedicated to helping domestic abuse survivors and their advocates.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit

©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.