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Domestic Abuse Survival Tips:

The 3 Deadly Mistakes Domestic Abuse Survivors Make in Seeking Safety

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.



domestic violence consulting expert




When exiting an abusive relationship, you can propagate continued danger unless you avoid the three deadly mistakes that domestic abuse survivors frequently make in seeking safety. Read on to discover what they are and how to avoid them.

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I often hear people ask, “How do you leave an abusive relationship?” I have one easy answer to this question: quickly and quietly!

More important is what we carry on the way out. Far too often domestic abuse survivors bring into their exile enemies as dangerous as the batterer they left. And then they wonder why they are so fearful, depressed, empty and often times re-victimized by those who hold out a helping hand.

If you are anticipating leaving an abusive relationship, consider avoiding the three deadly mistakes that domestic abuse victims frequently make in seeking safety. Look at them below carefully and make a conscientious effort to build into your exit plan sound solid ways of dismantling the following:

1)  Expecting others to save you, salvage your life and usher you into dignity, honoring and respect. All of these are an inside job. They are your job and can only be accomplished by you.

2) Holding onto the promise that your former partner will come around and maybe even apologize. Whose business is that? His/her apology and remorse has nothing to do with you; rather it has everything to do with him/her, only him/her.

3) Continuing to see the world through “I’m battered” eyes.  The psychological projection—whether blatant or subtle—will trip you up every time and interfere with new life emerging. Be mindful of the fact that our inner world creates our outer world. And if you maintain the abused status quo mindset, you will re-create victimization again and again.

I’m convinced that if you spend more time and energy on insuring that you don’t do these three deadly mistakes, your entrance into safety will read like the ending of a safe, satisfying happy fairytale. If you need help in healing in or after an abusive relationship, contact us. Dr. Jeanne King helps individuals recognize and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships.

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©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.