Domestic Abuse Treatment
From Violation to Respect: Breaking the Cycle
of Verbal Abuse in Marriage

Dr. King

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


“If there is something I want from her, I can let her know without bullying, attacking, threatening or belittling her.” Sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it?

This is the observation of one middle-aged successful businessman in domestic abuse counseling three months into the intervention. Imagine your spouse doing the same.

Why Do People Resort to Violating Others to Get What They Want?

The answer to this question holds the insight into this man’s transformation. At the core is a belief that what one wants will not be forthcoming on its own. Now this can come from history within the relationship and/or personal history in general.

It may have to do with deservingness issues laid over entitlement beliefs. Invariably, one is convinced that interactional intimate relationship success rests in the use of force to overpower another into submission.

We hear the term “power and control” tactics in domestic abuse circles to describe the means to establish and maintain an unequal distribution of power within an intimate relationship. And we know from psychology that at the core of this drive for overpowering another is the experience of inner impotence and personal vulnerability.

Respecting and Honoring Other as a Means to Satisfying Self

Let’s say for a moment that your spouse lifted his pressure strategies and instead held patient presence awaiting your reply to his requests. And further, let’s imagine that you no longer need to jump in delivering against your will to appease, or hide behind your truth with indecision.

What would it take to create this interaction pattern? From our work with couples, we see that when one holds reverence for communion with their partner over winning, then mutual honoring and respect are naturally cultivated over time.

I am convinced in doing abusive relationship therapy that this can be taught if the people involved seek a successful outcome and hold as their ultimate goal a commitment to their relationship.

If you are in an abusive relationship and you and your partner have not yet thrown the towel in on your marriage, consider domestic abuse treatment while you still have a chance to save your relationship.

For information about domestic abuse treatment, visit and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from legal and domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.