Emotional Abuse Divorce
Being Your Truth in Family Court
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Just because someone “big and powerful” tells you and everyone you know that you are something, doesn’t make it so. It only becomes so when you yourself believe it. That’s right, you heard me. Your truth is your perception.
Far too often battered mothers endure emotional abuse through their divorce. They live their lives from the perception that their perpetrators have painted about them. And over time they lose sight of who and what they really are.
These women go around trying to convince everyone they encounter that they are not what their abusers have declared them to be. Yet in doing this, they wear the hat that he bought for them.
His Perception Becomes Your Reality
It can be as simple as saying that you “lost your religious faith,” or you “sleep around,” “abuse drugs,” “are an alcoholic” or “a lesbian,” to you “are psychotic” or maybe just “mentally unstable.” Whatever it is that he has painted you as being, in your defense of it, you become it.
Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t defend yourself. I am a firm believer that you are in the best position to advocate for your own reality. What I am saying is recognize if you are internalizing his perception of you in your defense of it.
Notice if there is a little part of you that says, “Could this be so? Am I ____________? Or, Do I_____________?”
And in the moment you are asking this question, and you finding a part of you that could fit this picture and instantly owning it. If so then chances are with each breath thereafter, your belief becomes more deeply rooted…until you find yourself trying to convince yourself that this hideous perception of you is not real.
Your Perception Is Your Reality
Your perception is your reality just as his perception is his reality. And chances are they are very different. The “right-wrong” aspect is immaterial when you recognize that you are not his perception, you are your own.
Learn to hold your own in divorce court by becoming familiar with the strategic ploys of “legal domestic abuse” and “legal psychiatric abuse.” And with this knowledge, separate yourself from his perceptions, simply by being YOU with everyone you encounter.
For more information about emotional abuse divorce, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/crazy_making.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from legal and domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and InterventionThis series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.