Domestic Abuse Relationship Treatment -
Getting Your Needs Met Covertly or Overtly

Dr. King

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed how some people will go out of their way to avoid telling you what they want? And when you least expect it, they lift the veil to reveal their desires.

If you are one of these people, you know what I’m talking about. I see this characteristic all too often, and it is typical of domestic abuse survivors.

Concealing Your Wants and Needs

People who are victimized in abusive relationships have become conditioned to conceal “what they want” at all cost. Why? Because revealing what they want has been systematically tied to a price—a negative personal consequence.

Your life in your abusive relationship is all about your partner: his needs, his wants, his preferences. (Mind you, this “he” could also very well be a “she.”) And you have developed expertise in serving up accordingly.

Catering to your partner’s wants and needs is part of the package. You both have come to see your partner’s desires as the relationship’s top priority.

Now, I don’t think domestic violence survivors truly believe that their partners walk on air. But they have become accustomed to contributing to keeping these folks on the thrown of entitlement. While in the relationship, it appears to be the least “costly” course of action to take.

And for themselves, let’s face it, not only do your needs come last but filling them often comes with punishment. That is, your price for merely acknowledging what you need, expressing it and opening up to having these needs met may net you a kick in the teeth.

Unveiling Your Wants and Needs

When domestic violence survivors become aware of their habit of throwing a deaf ear to their innermost needs and desires, a shift occurs in which they authentically reconnect with themselves.

They become more in tune with their personal longings. And from here, they can cultivate the skills of having their needs and fulfillment brought into the relationship equation.

Once done, they come to see the relationship as an entity nourishing them as much as an entity that feeds the other. Balance is apparent and is the foundation for continued enrichment in the relationship.

Of course you must realize that it will take two to tango in this fashion. So, for the success I highlight here to actually evolve with your current partner, BOTH parties in the relationship must change supportively and accordingly.

Your partner must progress through a corresponding transformation of honoring the other as they do themselves. And ultimately, this partner can grow to enjoy meeting your needs as they do their own.

If you recognize the dynamics described herein, seek to find a domestic abuse treatment regimen that helps both the perpetrator and the victim. It’s the only way to break the cycle of domestic abuse and save your current relationship.

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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.