Parental Alienation and
Domestic Violence by Proxy
The Loss of Lineage, Legacy and the Loving
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
If you are living this story you already recognize it by the subtitle of this article...that I’m sure! People who have been pushed out of their children’s lives know the loss of lineage, legacy and the loving.
The experience goes beyond words. And when it’s yours it can define your life, even for those who claim to have moved on.
The Birth of a Child
Why is it that everyone makes such a big deal over the birth of a child? Easy...because it is HUGE! We all know that giving birth is a miracle moment and ushering that new life in invites glorious unwavering parental love.
Some people will tell you that it doesn’t matter if the life you gave birth to was two days, two months, two years, or two decades...once it is lost...a part of you goes with it.
What part is that? And where does it go? I think it’s the lineage, legacy and what I call “the loving.”
The Death of Lineage, Legacy and the Loving
Lineage is literally the lineal descent from an ancestor, ancestry or pedigree. It refers to all that proceeds: the datum from which new life springs forth...the family line of what came before and extends into being beyond. It’s the parental blanket, foundation and contribution we represent to and for our children.
Legacy refers more to that which is handed down. We think of it in terms of money or property left to someone in a will. You may consider it as those following you...those whose lives extend beyond yours and carry forward elements of you—your children.
The love a parent feels for a child needs no elaboration, as it simply is the natural fact of creation itself. When giving and receiving this love is denied…cut off...blatantly lost, a crater like hole replaces its presence. This is what I mean by the loss of the loving. I liken it to the characters in the Wizard of Oz, each having lost an essential part of that which makes one human.
Women and men worldwide describe this loss as a “hole in their heart.” They, and those close to them, are keenly aware of the “loss of loving” that they endure. Notice I said, “Loving,” not “Love.” Estranged parents don’t lose their love for their children. What they lose is the experience of loving…parenting…and being a party to their estranged children’s lives. It is even felt by alienated parents after a new lover and step-child are in the picture.
Healing Losses of Parental Alienation & Domestic Violence by Proxy
If you are resonating with the loss of lineage, legacy and the loving as described here, ask yourself what you need amidst this loss. And, of course, consider how you might bring your craving into being.
For some, it may be some wholehearted grieving. For others, it could be the promise of, hope for and investment in a future vision of reunification. Or, it may be utter compassion from within for what’s presently missing. As you unveil this, you grow to know your own healing the loss of lineage, legacy and loving...that goes hand-in-hand with parental alienation and domestic violence by proxy.
For help with injuries from domestic violence by proxy and parental alienation, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/psychological_healing.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.