Leaving an Abusive Relationship - How to Insure a Safe Departure from an Abusive Relationship

Dr. King

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


If you've read my writing, you know I'm a proponent of leaving an abusive relationship quickly and quietly when you decide to do so.

Now that doesn't mean you jump into the car and go "out of the blue." No not at all. Because if you do, chances are you'll be back home before you know it.

Instead, what I actually mean is your final exit is quickly and quietly, but the planning of your departure is well-thought out and completely planned to the tee. ALL of your ducks are in a row!

Planning to Leave an Abusive Relationship

You have all of your important documents in order, all of the personal necessities organized and ready to go, your household belongs should you decide to take them are planned for accordingly.

You know where you will be staying in the short run and in the phase immediately following that. You may even know how and where you will transition into a more long-standing living situation.

Your finances are in order sufficient to carry you through your plan. The people you have selected to support your exit are on board and you have the ability to engage their assistance as needed in the moment you need it.

So in many respects, you see there is much pre-planning that precedes this quick and quiet final exit.

Mistake of Announcing Your Leaving an Abusive Relationship

A mistake many women make is they do not take the time for "real" planning prior to their effort to leave an abusive relationship. Rather there is a decision on the fly to go, along with a compelling desire to "tell their partner" why they are leaving.

They want to "let him/her know why" they can no longer live under the conditions that they are seeking departure from. On some level, I think what they really hope to accomplish by this "sharing" is that the partner will "see the light" and stop this "bad" behavior AND all will be well.

Now I wouldn't want to suggest that this doesn't happen or can't happen, as it can. But what usually happens is this so-called sharing inflames matters.

It could set the stage for another altercation on the spot, another episode while you are leaving, or even another dance through the cycle wherein the next blowout magnifies relative to the prior. This so-called "sharing" must be out of your system and out of your plan, when you are serious about getting away from an abusive relationship.

And you must have all your ducks in a row so when you dive into leaving an abusive relationship, you do so planned for your success. For more information about leaving an abusive relationship and breaking the cycle of domestic abuse, visit www.IsThisAbuse.com. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

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© Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.