How to Spot a Battered Man Controlled
by His Intimate Partner
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Would you know if your friend, brother or son was in an abusive relationship? When we ask this very question about women in abusive relationships, many people say they would indeed know. But when the same question is asked about a man, people draw a blank.
How do you know when a man is in an abusive relationship? Come with me and see what it looks like from the outside looking in at domestic abuse of men.
Here are 11 tell-tale signs that this man is battered.
1) His partner calls him relentlessly…continuously until he answers the phone.
2) His partner is unreasonably jealous…aka insanely jealous.
3) His partner puts down what he loves if she doesn’t control it or love it too.
4) His partner must know his every move...where he is at all times.
5) His partner fails to have authentic empathy for his experience unless he is severely compromised.
6) His partner uses battering (emotional and verbal) to establish and maintain an unequal distribution of control in the relationship.
7) His partner manipulates him with sexual activity and sexual gratification…offered and withheld.
8) His partner resents his time with his personal friends.
9) His partner convinces him that she is the only one who could/would love him as she does.
10) His partner blames him when things don’t go as she desires.
11) His partner leads him to believe that he is responsible for fixing problems between them.
As we look at a man in an abusive relationship, we see the very same dynamics that are evident with a woman in an abusive relationship. So, the answer to our opening question, “How do you know when a man is in an abusive relationship?” is the same way you spot a battered woman.
Partner abuse and battering dynamics have no gender. They cross the boundaries of gender, as they cross cultural and socioeconomic boundaries.
Abuse dynamics are purely about power and control. In a nutshell, these dynamics consist of attitudes, gestures and behaviors of possessiveness, isolation, externalizing blame, lack of empathy, and the utilization of psychological and physical violations to establish and maintain domination of one partner over another.
The first step in helping a man in an abusive relationship is recognizing it. He may be the first to know, but typically will be the last to admit it. Awareness comes from education. Education is prevention, and prevention is the cure. If you recognize this constellation of symptoms in your friend, brother or son, be mindful that you are likely looking at a man in an abusive relationship.
For more information that helps abused men, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/abused_men.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.