Parental Alienation Ė The Cast Away
Parent Still Has Longings and Rights
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Itís been seven years since he/she has had contact with his/her child. And this child is turning 18 years old next year. Those forgotten longings and rights start stirring again.
I hear this story routinely and recognize a pattern in these parents who have been tossed aside as though they were tissue that no longer matters. The fact is that they continue to matter long after they have been cast away.
The Rekindled Longing for Your Stolen Child
There is something about that 17th birthday that starts the itch again. Itís just so close to 18 and the clocks tick gets louder and louder. With each passing day, your child is closer and closer to having his/her own say.
The reality of that is much different than when this same child was 13 or even 15 years old. Thereís realness to manifesting that possibility when you are counting months, rather than years.
You wake up and remember that three-year-old face and the sound of his/her voice. And you still canít comprehend how you ended up with the empty stick on visitation after your divorce. None of it makes any sense to you. In many respects, itís a faint nightmare you have chosen to bury so you could go on with paying your bills and maintaining order in your day.
But none of this makes the longings go awayÖat least not permanently. And the rights you have to know your flesh and blood remain in your DNA.
The Rekindled Longings for the Alienated Parent
The estranged parent, while alienated by the other parent and all others involved, remains a mystery to the child...even for the child who joins in on the alienation. On that 17th birthday they, too, are mindful of being months away from having their say.
We see adolescents polluted with propaganda so thick that you could hardly recognize the person theyíre referring to when they speak of the alienated parent. And even these kids wonder, who/where is my birth mother, or as the case may be, my birth father?
Itís only natural to want to know your natural parent, whether estranged or not. Even children placed in the hands of an adopted parent at birth have longings to know who their natural parents are.
Itís a childís birthright to have contact with the people that inspired their life. And from the core of their being, they know this. The longings they feel in this regard make this critical window ripe for rekindling their relationship with you and yours with them.
The Choice of Parental Alienation or Not
This timely window offers both you and your child a choice. Itís the choice to maintain or shatter the parental alienation. It is the opportunity to satisfy those dormant longings and inevitable human rights that you both have...no matter how either of you were cast away.
If you are an alienated parent and wish to have contact with your natural soon-to-be adult child, see this passage as a new beginning. Take in the fresh air of it and find your way back for both of you.
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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.