Signs of Domestic Abuse - 3 Deadly Mistakes
of Not Believing What You See the First Time

Dr. King

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Sounds so sensible, doesn’t it?

If this bit of common sense were practiced more often by women and men before their abusive relationship fully establishes, then there would be far less intimate partner violence.

Why do people choose not to factor in truths already revealed? Why do people turn their head and look the other way? Why do people say to themselves, what is isn’t?

If you have ever been in an abusive relationship or if you are standing in the path of one developing, this article is for you.

Let’s take a look at the underlying psychology between you and the reality of your circumstances.

1) You so want it to be as you fantasize it to be, more than anything else. So you may minimize behaviors that, under different circumstances, are obvious red flags. And to help you with this mind game with yourself, you embellish that which is “right on” and compensate for that which is not.

2) You think that what you have witnessed and experienced with this new partner is your “faulty take” (inaccurate perception) on the matter. In other words, it’s your perception driven by your own problems. Inherent in this is your distrust in yourself and your inner knowing.

3) You think that, even if you spot something that’s just not right, you can change it or get your desired partner to change it. This is a very dangerous expectation. It’s a setup for you to become responsible for another person’s behavior. It’s an invitation to live in another person’s business. And, as you probably know, when you’re in someone else’s business, who then is available to take care of yours? No one.

“If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” These simple little words could save you from the nightmare of domestic violence, if you know the signs of domestic abuse.

For more information about the signs of domestic abuse, browse our domestic abuse resources and get Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic violence. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.