Emotionally Abusive Relationship
How to Break the Cycle of Emotional Abuse
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Have you ever noticed how emotional abusers dive in with such gusto seeking that element of vulnerability within you? And once found, they appear to revel in what looks to be like a personal conquest.
For all practical matters it is a personal win for the emotional abuser. This very vulnerability of yours is used over and over and over again to keep you in your place during a moment of relationship combat.
Impotence Longing Omnipotence
At the core of using your perceived weakness to leverage the power and control in the relationship is the emotional abuser’s “impotence longing omnipotence.” This is a term that implies that they use your vulnerability to offset their own.
You may believe that they exude confidence, but what you see is a masked vulnerability and lack of self-regard. Reaching for your liability gives the emotional abuser a way to avoid experiencing his/her own inwardly felt deficiency.
Practicing Genshai Is Cure for Emotional Abuse
In working with couples in all walks of life from various cultures worldwide, I have discovered a key concept that helps emotional abusers interrupt their automatic emotionally abusive habits. The term is Genshai…pronounced, “Gen Shy.”
GenShai is an ancient Hindi word that means “You should never treat yourself or another person in a manner that makes one feel small.”
This practice, while introduced as something that the abuser does toward the abused, will always start from home. That is in the way he/she treats him/herself. You see, the way we treat ourselves reflects the way we likely treat others. We see the world as we see ourselves.
Bringing the subtleties of this way of being with oneself and with others into awareness and practice opens doors for emotional abusers. It gives them a disciplined regimen in self-respect and the respect toward one’s partner.
Respect, Regard and Unconditional Love
Overtime with the internalization of Genshai, reflexive habits of mutual respect, regard and unconditional love evolve. Initially it can emerge gradually, and with mindful, purposeful consistent practice, its impact becomes exponential—changing the core dynamics underlying emotional abuse.
When a former emotional abuser can come to honor that in you which they honor in themselves, a relationship of new dimensions evolves. He/she no longer needs to diminish you in order to feel good relative to you. The power and control tactics characterizing intimate partner abuse are recognized as impediments to harmony, well-being and open communication.
If you and your partner are stuck in habits of emotional abuse, seek to break this cycle through the disciplined practice of Genshai. Both of you will cherish the way it changes your relationship and every other relationship in your lives.
For ongoing support in ending emotional abuse, visit www.DomesticAbuseSupport.org and take the first step to finding freedom from abuse. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.