Controlling Relationships and
the Look of Anticipated Conquest
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Why do controlling people look and behave a lot like drug addicts just before they score? First, have you ever noticed that they do? I have.
I see this in peoples’ intimate relationships and in their family relationships. In fact, when I observe it, it becomes diagnostic of a “controlling relationship.”
It’s very much about the conquest...the accomplishment...obtaining what one is seeking. In the moments before, there is a transitory manic-like state that has the appearance of elevated serotonin levels...(With some biochemical testing, my hunch is that’s what you would find.)
In other writings, you may have heard me refer to it as “drug-seeking behavior” just before the score. In part, it’s the look of the financially starved just before the hand out.
It’s the apprehension of getting that which is obsessively and compulsively sought after—control. To an uninformed outsider looking in, it may not have the appearance of anything other than elation and delight.
But in the context of the dynamic, it yells loud and clear. It says, “I’m an addict and I’m see my fix of control coming my way.”
I bring this to your attention because you, too, can use this look diagnostically. That is, when you see it, you can trust that you are dealing with someone that has an addiction to control.
You are looking at a controlling person who can only thrive in a controlling relationship in which they are in control. You are looking at a potentially dangerous relationship that will necessitate you surrendering your authentic self in that relationship in order to “happily” exist in the relationship.
You are looking at a main ingredient of abusive relationships. Run in the other direction for your health, safety and long-term genuine happiness.
For more information about controlling relationships, see www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com/identify_domestic_abuse.php. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. – Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
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