Controlling Husband - Sex, Control and
Bulldozed Intimacy in Abusive Relationships
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
A controlling husband wants what he wants when he wants it...and that includes sex. If you are in a controlling relationship, you know the nuances of sex and control.
Women in abusive relationships both accept and hate the way their partners bulldoze their way through the covers from cuddling to orgasm. They know their sexual relations are largely about control, and they accept that as part of the relationship.
Bulldozed Intimacy and Control
What is the difference in the control dynamics between “bulldozed intimacy” and “cat and mouse arousal?” Now, of course, these are not clinical words...they are verbal images and they may speak the distinction for you.
Bulldozed intimacy looks a lot like a bull in a china shop. They show up...charge in... Bar none, they have their “free for all.” They own the shop and whatever is there is for the taking. It’s more of a reach and grab effort.
Whereas, cat and mouse arousal is more of a “reach and give” interaction. It has all of the qualities of flirtation and tease that you think of with cat and mouse interplay. It’s clearly interactive, back and forth and collaboratively and inter-intentional—the efforts of one evoke that of the other. Unlike bulldozed intimacy, wherein the efforts of one cascade unilaterally irrespective of the other.
Sex and Control as a Sign of Partner Abuse
Since sexual intimacy is such a central part of intimate relationships, one can trust that the landscape of their sexual encounter can reveal the larger dynamic of the interpersonal relationship. If your intimate encounters are bulldozed, take a hard and honest look at the way these same dynamics show up in your relationship in general.
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