Healing From Abuse
How Boundaries, Berries and Bouncing
Helped Me Heal
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
People worldwide repeatedly ask questions about how to heal after an abusive relationship. And I’m reminded of the 3 B’s: Boundaries, Berries and Bouncing.
Boundaries Begin with Self Boundaries
We’ve all heard of the importance of cultivating clear boundaries to offset the dysfunctional dynamics of abusive relationships. Yet, many people convince themselves that this means learning to say “no” to other people. My belief is that it all begins with saying “yes” and saying “no” first to oneself.
We are with others as we are with ourselves. And we train others how to be with us by the way we are with them. Today is my birthday and I’m taking this day in silence so as to set my new year intentions from a platform of stillness within.
Now the commitment I made to myself for this day is that I’d only do things that support my being in a place of expanded well-being for the duration of the whole day.
Even I find it interesting that I would sit down to write in the context of that plan for today. It tells me that the writing part of this business is clearly the gem...the bloodline... It’s the part that keeps me alive in this Internet business.
When making a concerted effort to hold to specific boundaries, begin with yourself. It will surprise you to discover the strength you cultivate within as you hold to being true to yourself.
Berries Are Symbolic of Consuming and Sustaining Life
Since pulling myself out from under the chaos of legal domestic abuse, I stumbled upon the direct connection between nourishment and inner wealth. For example, try drinking a full glass of carrot juice (or blueberry for that matter) and pay attention to how you feel as it settles into your tissue. To me, it’s like I’m feeding every cell in my body, simultaneously.
Find the foods that you know to support the functioning of your vital organs...and make these foods part of your routine. As often as possible, let it be whole, organic and fresh. Celebrate with the finest quality and honor the ritual of nourishing yourself.
Bouncing Is My Birthday Commitment to Myself
When I retreated into exile, as the shelter called it, I vowed to never take a mood altering substance to get through the pain of the nightmare that I lived. So that meant finding my own natural antidepressant and making it part of my lifestyle.
At the time, I lived walking distance from an amazing gym and the workout became part of my day. Then, when I moved to Colorado, I discovered rebounding. With a mini trampoline in my home gym, I used it on days when the cold temperatures made venturing out impossible for me.
Then, I realized the benefit of bouncing (actually called rebounding) as part of my daily routine. I’m ending this article with this birthday commitment that I make to myself today. I will bounce everyday.
Your Healing After Abuse
These are some of the things that have contributed to my well-being. Find those that do the same for you. And, most importantly, let them then be a part of your daily bread and healing will come to you.
For more information on healing domestic violence abuse, visit www.domesticabusesupport.com and get private, convenient online support to heal from domestic abuse. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.