Battered Men - The "Abused Endurer"
Stuck in His Emotional Desert

Dr. King

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Battered men possess an amazing amount of strength. The problem is that the only real power they embody is their strength to absorb the violence.

In the cascade of verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse, they endure-day by day, week by week, year by year. They stand there and take it, weathering the blows as they fake "you can't hurt me."

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

They cannot stop the battering, as it's not theirs to stop. They do not escape as leaving is not an option. And striking back...well, that's unheard of...these men were raised not to hit women.

So with each passing assault, they become more and more entrenched in their game as the abused endurer. They know their part in this dynamic, and that knowledge feeds their shame, guilt and self-blame.

Abusive Wife - Victor or Loser

The battering female is both victor and loser. Both she and her abused partner know she holds the power to win their disputes, control their family options and essentially run their lives.

But in her victory, she pains the loss of that which she most earnestly longs-his feelings...his emotional inner world. She'd do just about anything just to "make him" feel something...anything.

owever, he has become a master at walling himself off from any emotional affect whatsoever. It's both his survival mechanism and his curse, as this habit keeps him resourceless, silent and alone.

The "Abused Endurer" Can Break Free

The question that taunts these abused men is how to break free from the battering nightmare that they live? As in all authentic psychological change, transformation happens from the inside out.

When battered men are guided in identifying what they endure experientially, they take the first step to interrupting the cycle of relationship violence. In my own work with these men, I'm aware of the fact that exposing themselves to the wealth of internal datum within opens the door to their taking hold and ending the abuse.

If you are an abused man in an abusive relationship, trust that there are resources from which you can draw. And as you do, you will open up to a fortress of inner strength, ultimate power and genuine well-being.

For more information to help abused men, visit and get Free Instant Access to your survivor success eInsights. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals and families recognize, end and heal from domestic violence. © Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.