Domestic Abuse Help and Relationship Healing
Is the Abuse in Your Head?

Dr. King


by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Many domestic abuse survivors simply want to know that their partner understands the abuse he/she perpetrated upon them. It’s as though that acknowledgment creates a connection from which recovery and change can happen.

The frustrating part, however, is that most domestic abuse survivors can’t get the understanding and acknowledgment that they seek. And without this, there is no resolution...and no domestic violence recovery (so they think).

Acknowledging the Abuse

These domestic abuse victims remain attached to “getting it” from the abuser. Yet, their methods for asking continue to fail them. Here’s why...

You cannot draw another person into a healing process without their consent. Your getting that acknowledgment is for the purpose of your healing and, of course, the healing of the relationship injury.

Someone who has done or said something that results in an injury (physical or psychological) to you only steps up to the “acknowledgment plate” if they, too, long for healing the relationship.

Nurturing the Compromised Relationship

Accordingly, you would expect to be far more successful in getting beyond the “It (the abuse) is in your head” assertion if you first engage interest in your partner’s desire to nourish and salvage the relationship.

Now you may ask, how do you do that? The answer is with grace and commitment.

Working from your own investment in the relationship, you reach out and offer an invitation toward relationship healing. Once your offer is accepted, the dance can begin wherein you will more likely engage interest in your partner’s acknowledging your pain.

Healing Is an Inside Job

Now if you discover that you are the only one on board for relationship healing, you must not give up on your own personal healing. You must realize that your healing—under no circumstances—rests in the hands of the person that you see as the source of your pain.

Your healing from abuse is for and about you. And this process is dependent on you…and only you. The moment you let go of being attached to getting the other person’s acknowledgement of your injury, you begin healing yourself.

The Truth About It Being in Your Head

What is in your head that continues to hurt is your interpretation of the injury to you. Even though the assault you encountered is “hurtful” in and of itself, the lingering pain it inspires is within.

So in many respects, the abuse you feel is in your head. And that leaves it up to you to heal the injury from within.

For more information on healing domestic abuse , visit and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals and couples nationwide end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention


Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.