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The Subtle Communication Patterns of Abusive Relationships

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

 

People ask me what kind of domestic abuse assessment screen helps someone who is abused to see the light. In providing assessments for thousands of people, I’m convinced that a tool which reveals the subtle communication patterns of abusive relationships helps someone being abused to awaken to their circumstances. Further, identifying these subtle–and often unconscious–interaction patterns helps the abused partner recognize what keeps the abuse dynamic going and, from here, what stops it.

Many people say they know they are in an abusive relationship, but don’t understand what maintains it. If that has been your experience, look at the subtle communication patterns of abusive relationships and you will gain insight into the mechanism that sustains this dynamic. Seeing this will give you what you need to stop the cycle and will insure that you not engage in another abusive relationship.

 

A Closer Look at the Subtle

For example, look at the interaction pattern and internal dialogue surrounding the subtle communication pattern of “when ‘no’ means maybe.” When you feel your answers, from the core of your being, to domestic abuse screening questions addressing this communication pattern, you see subtleties of the abuse dynamic unfold.

It’s both subtle and significant. If s/he hears my “no” as a maybe and as a challenge to convert into a “yes,” we see a lack of honoring the preferences of the partner saying “no” and an obsessive compulsion to control the outcome of the exchange.

Further, if I’m aware that my “no” sounds like “maybe,” then I am cognizant of my hesitation in not fulfilling his/her request. As I look closer at that, I feel the basis for this hesitation. I see and feel an internal dialogue that supports the domestic abuse dynamic.

Your Personal Inquiry

Now we could go on from here; however if you’re thinking of taking such a test, it would be best for your discovery to come from within. That will be more meaningful and more likely to move you forward, as you will resonate with it from your own personal experience.

Without that inward inquiry, the description could sound like a lot of psycho-babble. Trust me, it’s not. Domestic abuse is quite real and is easiest to acknowledge, and to abort, in its most subtle manifestations.

Recognize the subtle communication patterns of abusive relationships and learn to abort them before they spiral out of control. Dr. Jeanne King helps individuals recognize and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org

©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

 

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.