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By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
To add insult to injury, confusion to the complicated, mystery to the already oozing drama is the use of your own family to carry out your abusive partner’s agenda. Why?
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Whose Family Is Your Family?
If you’re perplexed as to why your parents are suddenly supporting your partner’s desire to have you out of your house, or his interest to have you out of your children’s lives, it may be time to look closer at the dynamics in play.
If you don’t, you may be inadvertently allowing for the destruction of some important family support at a time when you need them most. In fact this, in part, is why this strategy is often used. It adds to your isolation!
What to Do When You Notice Your Family Is Acting Like His Family
If you are working your way out of an abusive relationship and must pass through the social political ropes of family court, pay close attention to what side of the courtroom your immediate family gravitates. And as hard as this may seem, recognize this too is NOT about you.
Abusive people will use any and all of your natural network of strength as though they own natural rights to what’s yours. And from here, they will work these supporters to be your enemies and to become their allies, all in an effort to strengthen their efforts to carry out their own agendas.
If you approach the least likely member of your family to be drawn into this strategic ploy first, you will be more successful at influencing the whole clan before the seduced support for your partner’s agenda spirals out of control.
Let this family member know you know what is and/or may be going on, and ask them to serve as your voice with other members of the family. This way you can keep your focus on your personal battles and enlist a messenger to offset this ploy. Furthermore, this family member’s message to the rest of the family is likely to be received more objectively than if it came from you.
If you want additional insight into the dynamics of battering relationships, visit www.PreventAbusiveRealtionships.com and claim you free Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, founding director of Partners in Prevention helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court.
If you want personal help with your particular circumstances, you can contact us to set up an individual consultation.
This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org
©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com |
