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Intimate Partner Abuse Screen

 

 

 

After the Abusive Relationship - Your Calling: Long-term Aid for Domestic Abuse Survivors

domestic violence consulting expert

 

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

 

Do what you’re called to do and the universe will support you. You’ve probably heard this, but may be scratching your head thinking about your bills, responsibilities and all of the what ifs...

 

This is understandable. So rather than jump in with blind faith, I want to invite your everyday casual, rational mind to do what you’re called to do. And then, address the missing link domestic abuse survivors commonly bring to the table.

 

Doing What You’re Called to Do Is Your JOB

 

When you’re doing what you’re called to do, what happens?

 

a) You lose yourself in what you’re doing and the activity in many respects does itself. It’s effortless. It’s performed without strain or resistance of any kind.

 

b) Time stops as you do it and you feel stress-free...at ease, and your performance approximates excellence.

 

c) Resources show up to support what you’re doing and the continuation of your doing it.

 

It’s as though the universe wants you to be happy, is looking for excellence, and is willing to support that which makes you fulfilled to also benefit those around you.

 

Domestic Abuse Survivors Doing What You’re Called to Do

 

Now to do this that we’re called to do, we must first know what that is and second honor it. This honoring part is what domestic violence survivors often struggle with the most. And this, too, is understandable.

 

You see when you’re living in an abusive relationship, one of your survival mechanisms is to put forward what your abusive partner needs to hear and see to keep peace in your home.

 

Thus, life in the abusive relationship is not about supporting and honoring what you love, but rather discrediting what you love and grooming your honoring what your partner loves. In many cases, there is also a sting added to this grooming (conditioning) in which you may even be punished (negatively rewarded for honoring that which you love).

 

For example, in my own life, I can vividly remember hiding newspaper articles featuring my work, in prestigious publications, under the bed when I lived in an abusive relationship. Why did I do this? I did this to avoid the blowout that would follow my former abusive partner’s discovery of my achievements and recognition by others.

 

The net result of this is you lose your inclination to honor what you’re called to do and of course with this comes the need to recreate the habit of honoring what you love. As you invite this honoring in, practice it and enjoy it, then doing what you’re called to do becomes effortless, natural and plain good sense for yourself and for all those around you.

For more psychological insights on healing following abusive relationships, visit Healing for Domestic Abuse and claim your free Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal domestic abuse at home and in court.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org

©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.