Receive Survivor Success Tips  & Insights and get FREE life-saving, life-enhancing support by email.
First Name:
Last Name: (optional)
Zip Code: (optional)

We respect your privacy.
We do not sell or share
email addresses.

Privacy Policy

Intimate Partner Abuse Screen




Adult Child's Abusive Relationship - Double Dynamics When Sons and Daughters Are in Abusive Relationships

domestic violence consulting expert


By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


It’s no secret that we use our adulthood to work out our unfinished business with our parents. And when domestic violence is on our plate we may even see it as an opportunity to get even.


Young people in abusive relationships sometime remain in these relationships because their parents want them to get out of the relationship. And the more the parent pushes, the more desirable the abusive relationship appears.


It is virtually impossible for the domestic abuse survivor to sort out their own personal feelings with respect to their intimate relationship when they are dealing with the unfinished business in their relationship with mother and/or father.


If you suspect your child is in an abusive relationship and you are seeking to help her/him see the light, then you must do the following. If you want your adult child to awaken to their circumstances:


1) Find a professional who is trained in psychotherapeutic process and also domestic abuse intervention.


2) Let the therapeutic process run its course unencumbered by conflicting and interfering agendas external to your adult child’s intimate relationship.


3) Should you feel inclined to want to hold the reins of the therapy, seek independent therapy for yourself.


Evaluating an abusive relationship can be consuming for the person doing so, and will almost always be impossible in the context of confounding circumstances. On the flip side, trust that when one is sorting out life in an abusive relationship, they will more often than not choose what is in their highest interest.


All things being equal, when we feel safe and secure within ourselves, we choose to eliminate that which fails to support our honor. If your adult child is in an abusive relationship, don’t throw the baby out with the bath and trust she/he can most definitely waken to his/her circumstances.


For more information about helping your loved one in an abusiverelationshhip, see Stop Domestic Abuse: Helping Others Break the Cycle. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., founding director of Partners in Prevention, helps families worldwide to recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

If you want personal help with your particular circumstances, you can contact us to set up an individual consultation.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit


©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.