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By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Mystery is the word we often hear to describe intimate partner homicide. But is it really a mystery?
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What’s most mysterious about abusive relationships is the glue that binds the couple. While the battery, the assault, the murder makes for a good crime investigation, what perplexes people is “what keeps these couples together?”
Are any of these three elements that bind couples in abusive relationships keeping you stuck in yours?
1) Love defined as attraction, history, belonging-ness, blind admiration and possessiveness; rather than an authentic honoring of one another and ongoing mutual support for each other.
2) Responsibility and boundaries between you and your partner are so undefined and fuzzy that for the life of you sometimes knowing what’s his and what’s yours is indistinguishable. As you know, it makes remedying rough spots confusing and in most cases out-right impossible.
3) Conditioning to support the unequal distribution of power in the relationship is so subtle--yet so gripping--that you feel like a mouse on a wheel without access to the mechanism regulating the dominant family reward system.
If these three elements, which bind couples in abusive relationships, are serving as the glue that keeps you stuck in yours, look closer at the mechanics that keep each of these in place. What are the customary dynamics at play holding each of these glue-like ingredients alive?
This understanding will open the door for your making conscious choices about your day-to-day interactions, your “role” in your relationship, your relationship satisfaction in general, your safety at large, and most importantly how you feel about yourself inside and out.
For a deeper understanding of what keeps emotional verbal abuse going and ultimately what stops it, visit www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals and families recognize and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships.
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©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com |
