Abusive Relationship Signs
Endlessly Inadequate in the Presence
of Your Abusive Spouse

Dr. King

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


“When you walk through that door, my time becomes your time.” Sound familiar?

The question I have is, “Is it good or is this bad?” That could go either way depending on how you experience yourself when you are with him...when you give to him...when he wants from you...when he gives to you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you may notice that you step out when your abusive spouse steps in. It may be that you believe you need to be “all about him” when he shows up, because being about you could come with punitive consequences.

Being a Bad Person in the Presence of Your Abusive Spouse

He may only be content with your catering to him. And moreover, he may have demonstrated that no matter how much you give, it will never be enough...because he can always find something that is wrong.

He actually finds some pleasure in showing you that you are deficient...defective...inadequate. You are the absolute furthest thing from perfect being just as you are.

So, you find yourself jumping through the hoops of what you think he will want you to be, until you tire and wish deep inside that he would just go away.

Being a Good Person in the Absence of Your Abusive Spouse

Then, you observe yourself basking in ease when in his absence. You catch yourself enjoying not having to live up to his endless demands, judgments and expectations.

You stumble upon your rightness for simply being you. You discover the good person that you are. And from here, you seek to protect this good soul from him.

So when he walks through that door, you set her aside and your time becomes his time...but for the wrong reasons. This makes you resent his being there and inspires your desire for him to stay away.

Being That Good Person in the Presence of Your Abusive Spouse

What would it take for you to be that good person in his presence? What would you need from him? And, what would you need from yourself?

If you are asking these questions, you could be a candidate for an abusive relationship therapy overhaul. You and your abusive spouse could both benefit from finding the way to have you be that good person in his presence. Invariably this will open the door for you and your partner to break the cycle of intimate partner abuse.

For information about abusive relationship therapy, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/spousal_abuse_tx.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

© Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.