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Far too often, we hear individuals in abusive relationships seeking to change their partners in order to change their relationship. While it is true that a change in either person will change the overall dynamic of the relationship, changing one’s partner is only an option if it is partner-self-initiated.
Rather than holding onto something that is essentially out of one’s control—actually not one’s business—look to changing what is within your control and is indeed your business: yourself.
In working with thousands of patients over the years, the one thing I consistently see is that when people grow to honor and respect their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual space, they have no tolerance for others not doing the same.
Now as I write this, I’m keenly aware of the hair standing up on end for those that are currently struggling in an abusive relationship. Know that I, too, lived there once. And I know that when being battered and remaining entangled in an abusive relationship, on some level, we are failing to hold reverence for that which our abusive partner has scorned.
Thus, I invite you to look within for the revolution. It is from here that lasting change occurs. It is truly from within.
In closing, I leave you with seven secrets to successful survival in an abusive relationship, during and afterwards should the relationship remain abusive.
1) Write—journal daily both your inner world and your outer world.
2) Whole food—nourish your body with that which is truly nourishing.
3) Water—let pure water be your primary beverage and saturate every cell with it.
4) Work-out—find a body strengthening and toning routine and make it a regimen.
5) The Work—when you feel mental and/or emotional distress, open your thoughts to an inquiry until they let go of you and your authentic truth will emerge.
6) Welcome—expect the universe and the individuals in your world to support, honor and respect you.
7) Wholeness—meditate and know the inner well of well-being. How? By cultivating the effortless innocent discipline of letting it in.
If I could tell you which one of these items is most important, I would. However, I'm convinced that each one is an integral part of the healing process. If you are inclined to adopt one of these seven secrets to successful survival in an abusive relationship as a start, meditation is the place to begin.
With this, all of the others naturally follow. If you need help in healing in or after an abusive relationship, contact us. Dr. Jeanne King helps individuals recognize and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships.
This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org
©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com
All Rights Reserved.
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King. |
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