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Intimate Partner Abuse Screen




Abusive Relationship - Understanding Yourself:

8 Reasons Why You Haven't Ended Your Abusive Relationship


domestic violence consulting expert


By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


You know from the core of your being that living in an abusive relationship is not good...not healthy…outright destructive. But you struggle with leaving. And those that know of your circumstances remain perplexed as to why you just don’t go.

I understand and so do the millions of others who have walked in your shoes. The following 8 reasons why people remain in abusive relationships might give you some compassion toward yourself and some clarity with respect to your predicament.

1) You hope, wish and truly want your partner to change.

2) You consciously, and unconsciously, have shouldered fault for his/her battering behavior. 

3) You have limited resources and question your ability to carry-on on your own. 

4) There are children involved and you know it will be harder being his/her ex (the enemy) than it is being his/her partner and alleged “friend.” 

5) You think it is your “Job” to keep the family together till “death due us part.” 

6) Your family, or his/her family, wants you to keep the elephant under the carpet at all cost. 

7) In your mind, you are not a “battered woman” or an “abused man”...the title is beyond your wildest dreams about yourself. 

8) YET you know from the core of your being that the moment you leave, the danger you currently know will escalate significantly.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not as easy as one my think as an outsider looking in. So allow all of your misgivings about doing so to come to the surface and sort them out one by one. 

You are not alone. Your exit is not simple. But in the long run once out of an abusive relationship, you will breathe a sigh of relief and glow from the core of your being. 

If you have questions as to whether you are in a dangerously abusive relationship, take the Intimate Partner Abuse Screen Dr. Jeanne King, helps individuals and families recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Let us know where you are stuck and/or if you need help.

This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit

©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.


Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court. Contact Us to reach Dr. King.