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By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
The moment the verbal assault springs off his/her tongue, the natural reflex is “ouch.” Correct? But lucky for you, it doesn’t have to be.
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Let’s face it, you cannot control what’s up with another person, much less what they dish out, but you certainly can control yourself. And when it comes to verbal abuse you have a choice.
What is your choice with verbal abuse?
You can let in or not let it in! Okay, I can hear you thinking: that’s easier said than done. However, I’m not sure it’s a matter of “ease” as much as it is a discipline that grows out of you from within.
It’s a discipline that says...
a) I choose peace over being right.
b) Your actions, feelings and thoughts are about you, not me.
c) I am the commander of my temple and I control what comes in and what doesn’t enter.
And as I practice this subtle, yet profound discipline, their verbal abuse remains theirs, and does not become my “ouch.”
Keys to implementing this verbal abuse deflection
In order to practice this discipline, there must first be a real understanding that the other person’s actions, feelings and thoughts are theirs, and theirs alone. And you must honor what they are, irrespective of what it is that they are.
Now of course this in no way means that you stand in the line of fire and simply take it. No, to the contrary. You can choose to leave, deflect the comment, or merely see it as something deeply disturbing within them. Period.
Each time you meet your partner’s, your parents’, your coworker’s, your friend’s verbal abuse in this way, you will amaze yourself in the way doing so strengthens you internally.
If you want more tips and insights on psychological healing in and after an abusive relationship, I invite you to check out Psychological Healing for Domestic Abuse where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D., founding director of Partners in Prevention, helps people recognize, end and heal from emotional verbal abuse.
If you want personal help with your particular circumstances, you can contact us to set up an individual consultation.
This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org
©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com |
