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By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
When you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship, stop and hold reverence for the blessing that you are. Why? You are the best person to help; that is, until you can get her/him to professional help.
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We find when friends of domestic abuse survivors reach out on their friend’s behalf, they are in the best position to create a positive outcome for the person being abused.
First of all, friends that still have access to domestic abuse survivors have the best leveraging ability…certainly more leveraging than parents of the abused.
By leveraging, I mean they can touch the life and soul of their battered friend using their friendship as the vehicle for their concern. Friends tend to come to the table with less baggage and far fewer hidden agendas than do the parents of the abused. At least, this is how the abused party perceives it.
So as a friend, how can you help your friend?
- Maintain ongoing, and as usual, contact with your friend.
- Give her/him access to you, especially emergency access should that be needed.
- Suspend any and all judgment of your friend for being in the abusive relationship.
- You serve as the trust factor and get a credible source to serve as the information resource and change agent.
- Open eyes with information, but be mindful of the possible consequence of your being estranged from your friend by doing so.
- Keep your feelings of frustration out of the picture, and lead from your love and concern.
- Always know that change is an inside job and no one can, or should, take the role of change agent for another, unless that is one’s profession and they have been recognized for such by the person longing for change.
Appreciate that you and your friend are blessed with your eyes being open. No matter what, don’t give up on your friend. That’s what friends are for…to be there when needed most! And always know you can influence the path of the silent insidious syndrome of domestic violence before it spirals out of control.
For more information about intimate partner violence, claim you free Survivor Success Tips & eIsights and discover what keeps abusive relationships going and what breaks the cycle of abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. is founding director of Partners in Prevention, dedicated to helping domestic abuse survivors and their advocates to end domestic abuse. www.StopSpousalAbuse.com
This series of eInsights is presented to you by Partners in Prevention, a nonprofit organization. If you find this eInsight article useful, we invite you to contribute to the maintenance and growth of the Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. To make a tax-deductible donation, please visit www.EndDomesticAbuse.org
©Copyright 2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com |
