Domestic Abuse Treatment – The Key
to Breaking the Cycle of Spousal Abuse

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Sometimes when abusers learn that battering is an unacceptable response to not getting what they want, they quickly replace it with whining. But whining is not that much better. It may be safer from the victim’s perspective, but it carries all of the psychological control of bullying and battering.

If you are in couples therapy for domestic abuse in your relationship and you have identified it as marital conflict, beware. When you tell a batterer that “hitting and verbal abuse” is not allowed, that doesn’t stop the battering dynamic.

Battering Is About Control

Battering is essentially about control. While the actual bouts of violence (physical, psychological, verbal) indeed violate the person on the receiving end, the violence is not the issue. The real issue is more about power and control.

So if your therapist has made some ground rules that say, “no more physical, emotional and verbal abuse,” know your safety is still at risk. Here’s why...

Let’s say that the abuser in therapy stops belittling you, discounting you, putting you down…tossing you around. And instead, he merely whines when he doesn’t get his way. Initially the whining may seem innocent and annoying, but soon you realize its power in controlling you.

It gets on your nerves so much that you yield to anything simply to turn it off. Consequently, instead of battering you into submission, you are now whined into submission. And when that doesn’t work—in times of stress—the fist can still be right around the corner.

Violating Versus Honoring Others

The psycho-educational lessons that need to be assimilated in order to break the cycle of violence have more to do with teaching the principles of honoring and respecting oneself and their partner.

This can be learned just as any behavior and belief modification can occur. When it becomes the central theme of the intervention, it is far more likely to be reflected in the participant’s transformation. Basically, the changes that you observe are the workings of a personal psychological shift around acceptance over control, honoring over violation, regard over disrespect, peace over violence.

For more information on domestic abuse treatment, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/spousal_abuse_tx.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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