The Generational Cycle of Family Violence
Did You Marry Your Controlling Mother?

 

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“Why am I with this person that reminds me of my mother/father?” Have you ever asked yourself that question?

You may have spent the bulk of your childhood, adolescence and twenties attempting to resolve life-long issues with your controlling mother or father. And then you compartmentalize the relationship and all its baggage, and go on with your life.

But years down the road, you notice that you picked a partner who has the same qualities as the parent for whom you have the most unfinished business? Why, you wonder.

Life’s Opportunities to Grow into Our Highest Potential

It’s not our deficiency in play here...to the contrary, it’s our higher health. Our human psyche seeks harmony and will set out to fix that which is not harmonious.

If there is mending to do with (and/or over) a parent that has been left to linger, we will attract people and circumstances which afford us the opportunity to resolve the unresolved conflict.

It’s human nature. So, don’t beat yourself up when you look at your abusive spouse and know from the core of your being that he/she is just like your mother or father.

Mending the Inner in Order to Deal with the Outer

When we can free up the energy tied to the unresolved conflict from our past, we can be fully available to deal with what is current. The emotions that come forward are more situation-specific rather than laced with those feelings we’ve carried for decades.

If, on the other hand, you continue to carry the unfinished business into your present day reality, expect yourself to project into now what was clearly then. And through this, you may lose your potential to recognize and, therefore, heal what fails to work in your current circumstances.

For more information on controlling relationships, browse our resources at www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ebooks.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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